Amy Dickinson
Ask Amy
(Newsday.com)
August 6, 2004
DEAR AMY: My husband and I drove to a resort for the weekend. On the way we stopped at a large mall. I was surprised to spot our neighbors, their daughter and perhaps a niece way off in the distance. I was shocked to discover the other little girl actually was their 9-year-old son in cross-dress! I wanted to catch up with them for an explanation of their son's strange demeanor. My husband took my elbow and led us in the opposite
direction. He insisted that we mind our own business and said that keeping their secret would be a measure of our own character and religious morality. That's his old Eagle Scout (nb "padvinder") youth popping up again. These people are our best friends, with enough income and parental love to see that their son would be under the best medical and psychological care. My husband said that any gossip about this incident, our neighbors or this innocent child would threaten our trust in each other. But do I have a moral obligation to inform local Child Protective Services and the director of our religious day school?
Ann
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DEAR ANN: I can certainly understand how surprising this sight might have been. What I don't understand is your desire to do something about it.
There are a number of explanations for why this boy might have been cross-dressing - he might have been in a play. He might have done it on a dare, or because he's 9 and wanted to bug his sister.
Or he might be a cross-dresser.
If this boy's family takes him to a public place dressed as a girl, then chances are they're more or less fine with it. If they're fine with it, then I think you should be fine with it.
Unless you think these parents are abusing or neglecting their son in some way, I wonder what you would tell Child Protective Services and what you would have them do about this boy's sartorial choices. The same goes for the child's school director. Most schools are concerned with how their students dress while they're in school. I'm not aware that schools care excessively about how their students dress while they're walking around the mall with their parents.
Your husband is a wise man. Steer clear of this and by all means, don't gossip about it.
Lisa
